


Words Left Unsaid

by silkmoth



Category: Merlin (BBC)
Genre: Angst, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-10
Updated: 2011-01-10
Packaged: 2017-10-14 15:35:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/150799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silkmoth/pseuds/silkmoth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur was still sitting on his bed and was still staring at nothing, ignoring the tears running down his face. He had said quite a few things to Merlin over the last year, hadn’t he? But he had left out all the important words, for such stupid reasons like pride, arrogance, fear, shame.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Words Left Unsaid

**Words Left Unsaid**

Arthur sat on his bed, staring straight ahead. His chambers looked as they usually did. Nothing had changed in the few hours he’d been on patrol this afternoon.

When he had ridden into the courtyard about one hour ago, nothing had seemed out of sorts. Merlin hadn’t been there to take care of his horse but that hadn’t been unusual. Arthur had dismounted, groaning because his body was still hurting from the fight with the dragon, and had sprinted up the stairs to meet with his father.

He hadn’t quite reached the open door to the courtroom when he had already heard his father talking to Gaius. He had stopped and listened for a moment and then Arthur’s entire world had been destroyed.

“At least it was a quick death, Gaius. I couldn’t have spared him, not even for you.”

“Sire, I didn’t know… but… I knew him. He wasn’t evil. He was just a boy.”

“They are always ‘just a boy’ or ‘just a girl’. You should know that better than anyone. I know you were close to him, and I’m sorry for your loss. But magic corrupts everyone, and I…”

Arthur couldn’t hear a word after that, only some strange whooshing sound. He had turned around and run, down one flight of stairs and up another, bursting through the door to Gaius’ rooms and ending up taking hold on Merlin’s bed, looking around breathless. No one had been there.

After that, things had gotten kind of blurry for the prince. He had searched everywhere, the market, the stables, the training fields. He hadn’t stopped once to talk to someone because he hadn’t wanted to hear it. As long as no one said the words, it wouldn’t be true.

Finally, he had ended up here in front of his own chambers, praying to Gods he didn’t really believe in anymore, and had opened the door. Merlin hadn’t been here either, neither now nor before. The prince’s rooms were untouched, the bed hadn’t been made, no fire had been lit. Arthur had sunk down on his bed and hadn’t moved one muscle since.

***

“You’re the worst manservant ever.”

“I need a servant I can trust.”

“Don’t be such a girl.”

“You know how dangerous magic is. You shouldn’t have kept this from me.”

“In the future, stick to what you do best: Nothing.”

“You’re not as big a fool as you look.”

“Since I’m a prince, we can’t be friends.”

“No man is worth your tears.”

Arthur was still sitting on his bed and was still staring at nothing, ignoring the tears running down his face. He had said quite a few things to Merlin over the last year, hadn’t he? But he had left out all the important words, for such stupid reasons like pride, arrogance, fear, shame.

“You make me laugh every day.”

“I don’t care if my bed isn’t made properly.”

“I love it when you come to me for help.”

“You’re my best friend.”

“Why don’t you tell me already? Don’t you know you can trust me?”

“You’re beautiful.”

“You scare me to death.”

“I’m afraid something will happen to you.”

“I’m in love with you.”

And now it was too late. Arthur crawled completely on his bed and hid his face and his tears in a pillow. ‘No man is worth your tears.’ Only yesterday… Gods, what a horrible thing to say.

***

Some time later, Arthur woke up to a rapping sound and silent swearing. He sat up quickly and then stared unbelievingly at his manservant, who was trying and failing to light a fire. Opening his mouth, the prince realized he couldn’t think of one thing to say. This had to be dream. If this was not a dream then…

With one last curse, Merlin lifted a hand, mumbled something and the flames were catching the wood. Clearly relieved, Merlin turned around, saw the prince watching him and froze on the spot.

“You’re awake?”

“You’re alive?”

“Huh? What are you… ooof!”

Maybe it wasn’t the most royal thing to do, but Arthur had to make sure his manservant was real. And if that ‘making sure’ included grabbing said manservant and pushing him up the next wall, so be it.

“Where have you been?”

Merlin stared at him, surprised and a little scared at the same time.

“Uh… the fire… I mean, the flintstone has obviously…”

“Forget the damn fire! Where have you been the whole day?”

“The whole… Arthur, it’s still two hours before dinner. I’m sorry I know I’m late with your room… but hey, you’ve been sleeping when I came here so…”

“Where were you before? I searched for you all over the place!”

Merlin dropped his eyes for a moment, then looked up again.

“I was with Gaius.” “Gaius was with my father! I heard them talking and…”

“What? Why didn’t you come in then? I was there while your father explained to Gaius why he just had to kill a 13 year old boy.”

Arthur stared at Merlin, then asked quietly, “what boy?”

“George. A stable boy. I don’t think you knew him. Thing is, last winter his parents were killed and now his grandmother got sick and… well, what I’ve heard, he tried some spell. Didn’t work. One of your father’s knights overheard him, went in and killed him. By now, his grandmother is dead, too. A whole family snuffed out; successful day for your father,” Merlin spat full of defiance.

Arthur held himself back for a few seconds, because Merlin was sad and angry and this wasn’t really the right time… and then he gave up. He leaned forward, pushed Merlin with his whole body back against the wall and kissed him. For a short while, Merlin’s arms flailed around but soon they settled on Arthur’s back, clutching him tightly. His lips opened and Arthur felt the first hint of tongue between his own lips. The prince shuddered and wriggled even closer, moaning into the quickly deepening kiss.

After some life-altering-against-the-wall making out, Arthur felt Merlin’s hands on his shoulders, shoving him back a little. The prince, staring at his breathless and gobsmacked looking manservant, asked “What?”

“Arthur. Not that… I’m complaining, exactly. But… what are you doing?”

“Kissing you. Making love to you. I don’t care if you’re a warlock, I don’t care if you’re a man, I don’t care if you’re my servant. I won’t lose anymore time,” after every word Arthur put a kiss on Merlin’s face, “I’m. In. Love. With. You.”

This declaration got Arthur a tight embrace and some more truly awesome kissing. The prince slid his hands over Merlin’s back down onto his ass, hoisting him up slightly. Proving he was a genius, his manservant immediately understood and wrapped his legs around Arthur’s hips. And off they went, no matter they were still fully clothed, no matter they swayed around dangerously -especially when Merlin bit Arthur’s earlobe and the prince had trouble staying on his feet- no matter that the back of Arthur’s hands were badly scratched on the rough stone wall.

At exactly the moment, where Arthur couldn’t stand it anymore and thought frantically of a way to get Merlin on his bed without hurting one of them, there was a knock on the door and before one of the two men could do a thing, the door opened and Gwen came in.

For a second, nobody moved. There were quite a few emotions playing over Gwen’s face; surprise, shock, anger, disappointment and finally, disgust. She said, “I’m sorry, Sire,” turned around and slammed the door shut behind her. Shit.

“Oh shit, Arthur,” Merlin said, still clinging to him awkwardly. “I’m so sorry, I…”

“I don’t care about her, either,” Arthur said, turned around with Merlin on his arms and marched over to his bed. It was quite interesting, the things one stopped caring about when one thought he had lost everything and then suddenly got a second chance.

Arthur almost threw Merlin on the bed and went back to the door, locking it. He had no desire to see Gaius or -Gods- his father coming through that door in the next hours. After he turned around to the bed, an almost predatory smile appeared on his face. Merlin was eagerly getting naked; it certainly didn’t look like his manservant cared about anything himself. Arthur took a flying leap, tackling Merlin right into the mattress.

***

“So… you know I can do magic?”

“Yeah. I knew since this ass, the witchfinder accused Gaius. I’m not deaf, you know.”

“Why didn’t you…?”

“Say something? I was waiting… I was hoping you would tell me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be. It was my fault… I just couldn’t speak to you without making bad jokes. Believe me, when I thought you dead… I remembered every one of them.”

“Arthur, that isn’t true. I was so often close to telling you but these last weeks… everything went pear-shaped. And I was so angry at your father, at Morgana, at Gaius… at the whole world, really. And you got somewhere in the middle of all that. I didn’t think I could trust anyone anymore. So I am sorry. Just… the last two days… I don’t know how I can…”

“Merlin? What is it?”

“Ah… it’s all a bit much, you know? All those people died… your knights, so many here at Camelot and then today… George, for nothing really. I know you said no man is worth…”

“No, please stop it! That is the most stupid thing I ever said in my whole life. I promise I won’t ever say it again. I was just… I don’t know… surprised? That you cried when that man died? I was wondering if you would cry when I… Gods, listen to me. Can I sound more pathetic?”

“He was my father.”

“What?”

“Gaius told me. And he told me to not speak about it. Especially not to you. Gaius was afraid your father would kill me when he would learn who my father is. Gods, this was so stupid. I was so stupid. I wanted to tell you… but… I didn’t trust myself anymore. I’ve made some real big mistakes lately. And somehow I have fallen in love with you, and then… when I saw you with Gwen, I wanted to stop loving you. I didn’t want to feel anything for you anymore. I… I don’t know, Arthur.”

“Merlin, I wish I had known. Gods, I wish… maybe I could have done something. I wouldn’t have said such stupid…”

“Arthur?”

“Yes?”

“If you would pass away… I wouldn’t cry. I would die with you. So do me a favour? Stay alive, okay. Just… stay alive. Promise me.”

“Merlin, I can’t… alright. I promise. I’ll stay alive, with you by my side.”

“I will be always at your side.”

***

At the break of dawn, the rising sun found in Camelot a nightmare-ridden king, a crying maid, a grieving old man planting flowers on a fresh grave and two men, prince and warlock, sleeping peacefully, bodies entwined – inseparable.

  
The End.

  
 _“The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.”  
_  
Harriet Beecher Stowe


End file.
